Welcome to my Review of HomeCunt

A couple of weeks ago Danielle started nagging me to get HomeCunt as she needed vehicles in her life and Crysis 2 does not satisfy her in that way. She also needed to be able to Prone and hide under tables which Battlefield does not do so it was decided.

So we spent about 6 hours of our lives searching for the best deal, Direct to Drive had dumped the whole country, CD wow had to post it and due to the fact that my letter box has been stolen I figured that would end in tears. Dick Smith 69.99, Steam 79.99 with a single player zombie game that is easier to get from torrents.. EB Games , Big w etc even more we settled on GameTap.. So for 50 odd dollars I could be part of something great with my bestest friend in tow.

I paid by CC and received a steam code, I added the code to steam and 6 hours later the game was ready, I clicked the icon and was all ready to start killing teenagers when I was confronted with a message saying I couldn’t play the game until it was released.. FUCK ME so I called my dumb bitch friend asking how she was going, Well Well she is soo fucking paranoid she decided that credit card details on the internet was a little scary so she opted for Pay Pal.

1st problem is that she is needed to wait until Hubby was ready as he is the only one with a pay pal account (she is too stupid to get one of her own) so 1 day was lost.

2nd Problem after paying with his paypal and waiting 6 hours it comes back declined due to fraud (her hubby has probably used it to get pics of nice girls from the net) .. so another day is lost. Now she says she will pay with CC and then download the game and another day is lost. But who knows if she can even do this. Fingers crossed that her downsyndrome leaves her alone for a couple of minutes.

ANYWAY

I started the game last night…..

As per normal the first thing to do is go to video settings and max the whole fucking lot out so that it looks better than real life. Ok done.

Click on multiplayer find a server and join waiting.. waiting .. OK shit the game starts but the graphics look like battlefield 2142 I must have forgot to save the video settings… I walk around a tree climb up over a rock and bam bam I am dead.. Fucking snipers.. Exit out back to video settings OH MY FUCKING GOD I did save the settings and this is it..

So with tears in my eyes I go to single player the opening scene has a child crying as the bad guys shoot its parents and leave the small child to cry in the lap of its dead mother..

I am now upset pissed off and disturbed.

I play the single player for a while, the graphics are better, similar to black ops but not quite as good the game play is good I have fun and forget about the poor orphaned kid. Then I am in a room and the game is asking me to pick up a weapon to shoot the vehicles, but I cant pick it up and now I am stuck on a table, glitched and stuck I run out of ammo there is no more, I am stuck this is shit i do what anyone would do Control Alt Delete end process.. FUCK YOU HOMECUNT

An hour later I recover and I go back to Multiplayer and more disappointment appears, I shoot the tyre of a vehicle expecting it to go flat like crisis, but NO the tyre stares back at me like a bored prostitute. I run through some water but it behaves more like liquid Teflon and I don’t even feel wet.

I come across an enemy who appears to be stuck on a invisible tree root and is spinning around like a retarded animal in a trap I shoot him and I receive an award for killing someone, I wonder if the person I just killed is pressing CTRL ALT DELTE.. I run on..

Game play is ok, I have still not killed anyone else. Hopefully my clan will have purchased the game before winter and I we will get into it..

Even though crisis 2 does not have vehicles HomeCunt may be the best advertisement for buying it so far!

Hahahaha, I love this review.

(F_ck) Pauline. wrote:

I don’t even feel wet.

I think this may sum up your entire review well; if a game can't make you wet then what's the point of getting it?

(F_ck) Pauline. wrote:

Even though crisis 2 does not have vehicles HomeCunt may be the best advertisement for buying it so far!

That or wait for BF3.

Quote :

I shoot the tyre of a vehicle expecting it to go flat like crisis, but NO the tyre stares back at me like a bored prostitute.

lol epic

crysis 2 has vehicles there are options to change the controls for it in the demo but yes, BF3 will dominate this game easy

Pauline didn't get her free metro 2033 game, nor did she get her free ingame homefront bandana for team fortress 2. Let the abuse begin ! poor gametap.
And suddenly she is sick today...hmm.... I think she is bludging work just to play homefront and play her money's worth.
Oh well at least it will be a quiet day for me then.
We work the way we play.
She had a project manager who thought he was top dog abuse her from about 10 metres away whilst she was making a coffee and abused her all the way back to her desk. That was funny. Just because she replied on an email telling everyone on the project he lied.

Oh what a wonderful company GameTap are.. here is the email trail that points to me being screwed and not a Zombie in sight..


Dear Pauline,
Thank you for contacting us.

Hi,

As the game was released on the 15/03/2011 your purchase was not classed as
a pre-order, therefore you were not eligible for a copy of Metro 2033 as you
purchased the game on the release day.

Please do not hesiate to contact us agin.

Thank you

Dearest GameTap


I purchased it on the 15th but when i tried to play after the download i was
advised that i could not play it until the releaswe date, So i assumed that
the release date was a US date which is a day behind us. Therefore i did pre
order it as i could not play on the day i purchased it. If you disagree
please refund my money and delete my steam code.



Dear Pauline,
Thank you for contacting us.

Before we can proceed with the refund your purchase, we have to ask
the publisher to blacklist the key.

We will refund providing the game has not been activated.

It may take a few days to receive the blacklist confirmation.

We will contact you again as soon as possible.



Dear Homefront team

Why have you not answered the question about the pre order did you not read
my email?.. and of course i activated the game if you read my email it says
i received a message saying i could not play it until the release date so i
obviously activated in steam to install are you being funny or simply dumb. refund me or i am going to consumer affairs.

Dear Pauline,
Thank you for contacting us.

Hi,

You purchased the game on the 15th of March which was the release date of the game.

Sorry we cannot refund you as the game has been activated.

Please excuse us for the delay with our reply.

Kind regards,

Luke
Your Customer Service officer



Hi Luke

I have screen shots of the message telling me to wait until the release date before i am able to play the game and i have these emails from you saying i didnt have to wait and therefore i am not entitled to recieve metro 2033..

Do you know why i wanted Metro 2033? it is because your game is terrible and nothing like the false advertising you have spread and used to trick me into buying it, I thought a bit of zombie action may lessen the pain of spending 50 bucks on a what can only be descibed as a developers picnic.

I also have screen shots of only 2 servers having players in them out of 588 at 9pm.. peak time.. So i guess 50 bucks will be worth it to spread the truth about your game and services on as many game forums as my boring 12 hour day shift allows me to find.

This game and the service you supply is the best advertisment for Black Ops and Crysis 2 i have ever seen, they should be paying your game developers for making them look so fantastic.
I always thought that call of duty and crysis would get a suitable rival one day but looks like i was wrong.

I like how there's just generic responses to your emails, I don't think anyone reads them.. Just clicks a button saying 'we wont do anything, good bye'.

sucks you got jipped, but maybe you should have ordered it earlier?

ImbaladisFTW wrote:

crysis 2 has vehicles there are options to change the controls for it in the demo but yes, BF3 will dominate this game easy

i will wait to see that first hand, it seems to realistic, therefore more glitches, more things to go wrong... im a wait and see person